A friend of mine got married at St Vincents recently. Definition of a honeymoon--the morning after the knot before. I believe in the race to the altar, some men cover more laps than others.
One of our Therry boys from up the creek brought the house down recently. I was outlining a Strathmore Sports Night and mentioned we'd have a crown and anchor. "Is that a band," he quizzed. Uproar followed. Fact was he was dead serious. It proved a Therry funny remark.
Must make particular mention of Leo Gillman's hamburgers on Saturday night. They were sensational. Best I've had in years with all the trimming, etc. I certainly had nothing to beef about. Especially when Leo said, "Would you like your meat lean." "Which way," I pondered. I was a little embarassed though when I saw the salad dressing.
Club stalwart Peter Gourlay seen at more Senior matches lately as umpires escort for 'A' Grade. Obviously hasn't been possessed by Demons this year. Let's hope his support won't peter out.
Police Beat--86 bags of cement stolen. They're looking for hardened criminals. Inquiries are proceeding also into the assault and robbery of a chiropodist in the area. Police are concerned about this callous crime.
Edition 7, 29th May
Income tax time soon. Q: Why did the fisherman go to the tax agents? A: To get a rebait.
Everyone had a great time at the More Annual Ball last Saturday at Roseville. Each table had raffle tickets for the Ball and a container to hold the money. Guess who dropped several dollar coins in the ice bucket? Yours truly. I've heard of frozen assets, but that was ridiculous. After dancing to the music of Minute By Minute, many adjourned to the main lounge of the Lincolnshire Arms--a Mores Sponsor. Another successful Ball with numbers around 270. Thanks are due to the girls who organised so quickly and so well.
Hear about the theft from a big local cake shop? Someone stole 175 tarts. Police now have the offender in custardy.
Edition 6, 22nd May
Simon Gulliver was certainly busy as Pat Mackie's Under 18 runner last week. He went all over the ground--Gulliver's Travels. After spending some years overseas Nick McLaughlin and a bearded Anthony Trevean are back playing with the More Reserves. Being so long in England, we were a little concerned they might be looking for a round ball. Anthony could be compared to his beard--Grewsome and Grewsome and Grewsome. We might get Gillette to sponsor him. He might tell me to get nicked.
If you want to know when 1/2 time is at Strathie games, you don't need a watch. Just look for 2 certain diehard supporters start wandering around the ground to the bar area. One of them shows more speed than his famous racehorse namesake. You could set your watch by these two. Talk about the old Carlton United slogan "I allus has one at 11." Yoicks, Tally Ho, could be the refrain from one of them as he strides to the bar.
We have a new lass in the Strathmore canteen. She's pretty hot stuff. Her name is Maree. Let's christen her Faye Maree. Keeps all the More kitchen goodies piping hot. Manager Steve Carey will keep her under control.
Recently I learnt my uncle Wilbur was a professional burglar. I was under the mistaken impression he was a marine biologist. He studies cell structure.
Edition 5, 15th May
Have it on good authority that a well known Cricket Club doyen turns 43 this week. Good heavns--Margaret is 43 years young. Being in the Cricket Club, I'm sure she'll bat on for many years yet. Might be a case of 43 beans the next morning. Plenty of Nescafe.
Melbourne's Cashino opened officially last Thursday with all the opulence and style expected. I thought the Village Cinema complex would have a must for screening the first night--the classic, Goodbye, Mr Chips. Believe some suites are so flash you have to wash your clothes before taking them to the laundry. If you ask for a $250 suite, you could finish up with a Violet Crumble.
John Selvaggi, well known former President/Treasurer/Committeeman celebrated his 50th Birthday some time back, which I forgot to mention in this column. Now a Sydneysider and Swans supporter, John and Judy were joined by Joe, Leanne, Anthony, Caroline, Selina, Andrew and Laura, who flew up for the suprise bash. A great time was had by all at an Italian restaurant in Rooty Hill and later, with Sydney friends at Michinbury, Seven Hills. John and wife Judy still retain a keen interest in the Mores and drop in occasionally. You might even see them on the telly at the Swans telecasts. The Selvaggi's are avid readers of this column and the More is sent to the Harbour City regularly. Flying to Sydney could soon get to be a challenge. Fifty minutes in the clouds and 1 and 1/2 hours to get to the damn airport.
Edition 4, 8th May
With winter coming on, a friend of mine goes to Surfers for his lungs. Forgetful of him to leave them there. Incidentally, doc told me I've got a small lump on my head. Want to keep it under my hat though. Uncle Freddy consumes 10 different pills a day. The first goes to his liver, the second to his heart, the next to his kidneys, etc. etc. With all those pills, he doesn't need a doc but a traffic policeman.
Genial Under 18 coach Pat Mackey has some natty cliches for his addresses. "Fat not fit." "Are your eyes and ears painted on?" "Donuts" when referring to an opposition crowd. With his add-libbing and jokes, he could have been on stage. Then he would have been a stage-coach.
Lots of seagulls around our ground lately. Someone said to me "Look at that seagull there with one eye." I did, but I found it difficult to see.
Up at Keilor Park, lots of planes flew over during the game. They at times looked as though they were going to land. I reckon Boeings should land at Boeing. Actually I've found out why air travel is so expensive--too much taxi-ing on the runway.
Must mention our official Strathmore More Supermarket-Milk Bar--Griffins at 34-36 Lebanon Street. All the service you need and a great range of grocery lines. James loves to talk footy too. Support James and Sue. Buying my drinks is easy and when I get them home, I add my special ice-cubes. Boy, they melt in your mouth. By the way, for our Strathmore Heights residents, don't forget to support Clarks Milk Bar-Sub News in Mascome Street. They'll look after you also.
Edition 3, 1st May
Employment Officer: Are you seeking employment? Prospective Employee: Not really. But I wouldn't mind a job.
Jenny Wilson performed a fine job last Sunday as first aid/trainer for 3 teams. Reckon Jenny would have needed first aid by the end of the day. With all the running and rushing about, she could have been a Spinning Jenny.
Melbourne's always making the news in crime. A man aimed a gun at an attacker and said if he took one more step he'd let him have it. He took one more step and he let him have it. It was an old revolver in any case. What did the guy say when he held up a salesman in a store which sells fridges? "Freeze."
Often wondered where Glen and Debbie Watts keep all the footy gear at their Roland Avenue home with their boys playing. A Whatnot of course. Coming into winter makes us think of fish and chips.
As you'll have noticed More supports two fish and chip shops in Napier Street. Napier Fish & Chippery and Strathmore Fish Supply. Good service, and smiling staff. Unlike many years ago in Queensland when a customer was battered to death for rudeness. Incidentally, I know why fish are so clever. Cause they're always in schools.
In last week's issue, I campaigned for a More classified column. Poor response so far. Let's see those ad coming in. My place or box in the Clubrooms by Monday night. Example--Canaries, young, yellow and brown. Going cheep. Situations Vacant--Sideshow requires merry-go-round operator. Rotating shift. Apply, etc............
We've recently had the surfing championships at Bells Beach which some of our young More footy-surfers witnessed. Wonder what would happen if a lot of surfboards were stolen. You'd call that a crime wave. And if sunglasses were pinched, police would be looking for eye witnesses.
Under 18 man-about-town Rory Boyle spotted wearing a jumper with a Pepsi logo at training. His game certainly won't be a fizzer. And handy when his side is 7 Up.
Club President Chris Wheeler journeyed to Turkey over the Chrissie hols. Someone introduced himself to Christ in a Turkish bar. "Don't recall your name but your fez is familiar," Chris quipped.
Coach Pat Mackie tells me a friend of his had a problem. Went to the local library to borrow a book on how to commit suicide. Was told it wasn't available as no-one brought it back. Incidentally, when you park outside libraries, take care. Observe the parking signs or you'll get booked.
Here's one for the horse racing buffs. A mare called Surridge ran at Caulfield last Sunday and set a good pace before knocking up. Really went at a good bat.
Cappucino machine now installed at the Clubrooms, and proving popular at $1.50 a cup. Unlike the days of long ago. "This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes, it was ground this morning."
Story just in from the animal kingdom. From an English wood in picturesque Sussex were learn there has been a spate of robberies. Mini TV sets have been taken from birds and animals. The fox was finally apprehended and sent to court for trial. He refused to tell if he had an accomplice. Finally, under the strain of questioning in the dock, he confessed. Foxtel I believe.